Well, yesterday I had gone to the grocery store and I had on my "I am a survivor" breast cancer tshirt.  I always hated to have to use the little electric carts in stores because I have seen the looks that people give people on scooters and even hear an occasional rude remark from others concerning the person on the cart.  Well let me tell you...I was in so much pain yesterday due to my bad back that I had no choice but to use a scooter if I wanted to get what I needed from the grocery store.  I was truly amazed at the reactions and comments from people as the first thing they saw when looking at me was my I am a survivor.  I have never experienced so much 1) Can I help you get anything off the shelf  2) WOW ...you are a survivor, how wonderful (which always makes me cry). 3) You dropped this let me pick it up for you, and that is just a short version of people's kindness when they really think you have a reason to ride the cart!!!
I am so thankful for all my blessings, and April 18, 2016 will be my 2nd year cancer free anniversary!
Now to get to my main point of my blog.  I got up too early this morning, specifically at 3 am so I finally fell back to sleep when my husband left for work.  He asked me if I needed the car (he drives our car when I don't need it to work)  I remember going uggggg, naw I don't think I will be going anywhere today.
Just going to sit home, pull up all the OA telephone meetings for today and go down the list and highlight the ones that I really need to attend.  Also reading my OA literature on my Ipad or my Iphone.  These are really informative and helpful.  I am over my disappoint of thinking "I deserve better than this, after all, I survived cancer, after some serious thinking of duh!!!!  You do deserve better than this and that means taking care of myself!!!!  My husband has told me in the past few weeks how he worries about me "surviving" and that includes getting to a healthy weight and place in my life so that I hopefully will live a long time.  He came into our home office last night and told me that he thinks that my OA food plan is actually a good healthy one.  Yay!!!!
Well I gotta run, because it is time for me to call my sponsor, she is a great sponsor and I am grateful for her wisdom and support and making me accountable!!!
Catch you later, alligator...LOL
Val

Since my last blog in May 2012, a lot of things have changed for me.
In April 2014, I was not feeling well, and I kept telling my doctor that
something was wrong...well...it was!!!!  I got diagnosed with stage 3C
left breast cancer.  I chose to have a double mastectomy.  I told my surgeon
take them both off now!  That was on a Monday April 14, 2014.  On April
18, 2014 I had my double mastectomy and have not thought twice about it!!!
My two year cancer Free anniversary is coming up on April 18, 2016!
I did not know it at the time, but, I because a huge reconstruction failure!
Due to my radiation after my chemotherapy, my chest wall was over cooked
and to put it in one of my doctors words..."they cooked the you know what out
of me!!!"  I had lost down from my precancerous weight of 296 down to 230. One
good thing that came out of chemo was it completely killed my appetite for about
a year...That was a good thing!!!  Every since 1985 I have battled my weight and have
lost 134 pounds in 6 months, keep it off for several years then gained it back and lost
all the weight again and kept it off until about 2001.  I have since learned that I suffer
from being a compulsive overeater...nothing I tried kept my weight off.  I have joined
Overeaters Anonymous and am learning about becoming healthy.  It will take a while
but, this time I mean to try to be as healthy as possible for the rest of my life, and I am
now 63...I have been listening in on all the OA meetings and podcast that I can.  Got
all my OA literature and books that I can get..both paperback and digital on my Iphone,
Ipad, and my Kindle.  I do not like not being able to walk a long distance...oh, darn,
I forgot to mention, I have degenerative disk disease, where my C5&C6 are compressing
my spinal nerve and the the lower part of my back from my bra strap area down I have about
6-8 bulging disks and its very painful!!! So far my pain management doctor is really sweet
and I am fixing to have my 3rd set of epidural shots to try to avoid back surgery...after
yesterday and today, I am not really sure I can avoid surgery.  I am really looking like
I think it is Bad Bad Leroy Brown...you know that part where he looks like a jigsaw
puzzle with a couple of pieces gone?  Well that is definately me!!!  I chose to have both
implants removed after it was obvious that my body rejected the implants for reconstruction!
Ok...I am at the point...Breasts...who needs them..For one I will never have to wear a bra again
and Noooooooooooooo more mammograms!!!!!  Yay!!!!  But get this my plastic surgeon
told me yesterday that I could still have options for reconstruction again...I just shook
my head and told him...Enough is enough...No more, so he is going to try to match
my chest on the right side with my left side....He told me that I could have a DIEP flap
done.  Not meaning to be disrespectful, but, Nooooo thanks!!!!
And so here I am trying to concentrate on my being a compulsive overeater, with the
help of my higher power GOD!!!!  It's hard for me but I am really trying. I was angry
and told my husband after ALL that I have been through, I deserve better than this...
Wait a doggone minute!!!!  Yes I do and to get healthy is the best that I can do and
by golly gee, I am not going to give up.  I am in absinence right now from binging
and I plan to stay that way.  I have a wonderful sponser, and I love the OA family!
There are not physical meetings near me any closer than 89 miles, so telephone meetings
and podcasts are my new support system along with my higher power God, my husband,
and Overeathers Anonymous...Just know this...I am not planning on failing or back-sliding,
but, it is good to know that with unconditional love and support there is hope for me!!!
My new support system is at:  www.oa.org
Check them out and if you need help too, just hop on the wagon and go for it....If you don't
do something about it now, you will be in the same place next year wishing you had done
something about it...Not me...NOW IS THE TIME FOR CHANGE AND LOVING MYSELF
ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!